Thursday, March 7, 2019

LIVING WITH MY ANXIETY IN CHINA

During my preparations for China I always found myself saying, “I am so scared to move to China, if I don’t have a panic attack in the first few weeks, it will be a miracle.” Well, I have been here for a month now, and my anxiety has been absent for pretty much the whole time! I am so relieved that my paranoia and constant worrying have not disrupted my meals, work, or exploring. In fact, for the first time in a very long time, I haven’t been anticipating waves of anxiety and have not been worrying about worrying! 


Of course, there have been days where things have gone wrong, or days where I miss my family and friends so much that I want to come home, but as I have mentioned before, those days are becoming few and far between. I definitely have not given myself enough credit by thinking that I would be letting my anxiety get the better of me and ruin my time here. I am genuinely shocked that my anxiety hasn’t made an appearance yet and am so proud of myself for the way I have settled in China. 

In all honesty, I don’t know how I have kept so calm and collected. There have been days here when I have felt a bit lost and scared, but I have got into the habit of reassuring myself that everything will be okay. Occasionally, I need to remind myself that what I am doing (teaching in China for a year) is not something that everyone would be able to do. Leaving home and starting a new job 5,000 miles away from everyone I know has been hard, but it is made so much more rewarding when I think of how far I have come to be here. I have said it so many times since arriving in China, but knowing that I have made it here, fills me with pride, even though I have just started!

The people I have met here, as well as the students and teachers at my school, have given me the warmest of welcomes. The students especially greet me every morning and afternoon by smiling and waving at me, talking to me in English and Mandarin (my Chinese is slowly but surely improving!) I know I will enjoy teaching here!

I look forward to the day when I can come home and say that I worked and lived in China for a year without my anxiety disrupting anything. I hope I get there! 

Thank you all for reading!

B x 
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8 comments

  1. I'm so proud of you too! I hope that you continue to love your new life so deeply :)

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  2. Great post! I took a teaching position in Thailand for two years from 2011 to 2013. I went in completely confident and I emotionally got knocked over that first year. Life is full of surprises. When I have sonetimes when I’m most worried about an upcoming event, that’s when I’m pleasantly surprised. I also have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks throughout the years. In fact I recently wrote a few posts about it on my blog as well. Realizing that anxiety was a future based emotion helped me, as I I began to understand that I was experiencing an emotion based on a future possibility that may never happen. Great post! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment! Thinking of anxiety as a future based emotion is not something that has ever occurred to me before, so thank you for mentioning that too! I think that because I have been so busy for these 4 weeks in China, I just haven't given my brain the time to be anxious - I hope it continues like his until I return home next year! x

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  3. Awesome! A change of scenery can do wonders for one's mental health. So happy to hear this. I'm also thinking of teaching abroad but I'm slightly nervous about it, so this is some great motivation. Keep at it! You will do great!

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    1. I would highly recommend teaching abroad! Actually, my post coming this week is all about how I have been finding the teaching side of things, so keep your eyes peeled for that! I am excited to keep on documenting my mental health journey whilst I am here in China x

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  4. I applaud you. You are a lot stronger than I.

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    1. Thank you for reading my post! It has been hard work, but I am immensely proud of myself for how far I have come! x

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