Friday, April 19, 2019

A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Dear all, 

It would seem nowadays more and more people are embarking on long-distance relationships. With the growing opportunities that universities and various companies present, it is easier to afford to move abroad to work or study. This has certainly been the case with my boyfriend (Peter) and I. I made the bold decision last summer to accept a job offer that would take me 5,000 miles away from my other half. I have friends who have been in or are currently in a long-distance relationship, but have not heard of their struggles and their advice on keeping their relationships alive and strong. So, Peter and I went into this quite afraid, but confident we would be okay. 



This post is something quite different. I want to show my readers the two sides of this long-distance relationship and how both of us have been coping in our different ways on opposite sides of the globe. As such, the first half of this post is written by me, and the second, by Peter. I just want to give a massive shout-out to the wonder that is modern-day technology, without which, Peter and I (like any other long-distance relationship couple) would be struggling to communicate! I hope you enjoy this rather long account of how two halves of a whole have been coping 5,000 miles apart from each other.  


Bobbi – Anyone who knows Peter and I well, know that we are the king and queen of communication! Since the moment we met, not a single day has gone by without us talking to each other (be that on the phone, or face to face). While I admit this may sound desperate and maybe quite clingy, this is just the dynamic of our relationship and fundamentally what makes us such a strong couple. So, it should come as no surprise that we have not let our 5,000-mile separation and 8-hour time difference hinder us from talking to one another every day. Of course, being so far ahead of Peter in the day has its challenges; I finish my day just as he starts his. Us both working 5 days a week also does not help! We value the weekends so much more now and tend to call and text as and when we can. 

I am not a very patient person! But being here and learning to appreciate the fact that I have someone at home waiting for me has made me realise that I am incredibly lucky to have Peter as my other half. Long-distance relationships suck and you need to work hard at them. If you do not put in the effort, it will fall apart over time. Luckily, Peter and I are not like this. We are committed to making this work and so far, everything is going so well! We love each other very much and are counting down the days until we are with each other once more. 


Peter – I am lucky that Bobbi’s year in China is just that, a year, which is a big part of how bearable the two months have been so far. In the back of my mind I know that I’ll see Bobbi soon, and after January next year she’ll be back in the UK. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if she were living in China indefinitely, even with our talking daily on the phone. Part of my brain kind of “places” Bobbi in London, and says she just can’t see me because she’s busy. Of course I know that she’s not, but it’s probably because the few months leading up to Bobbi going to China she was in London and I was in Hampshire. And so, in a way, my brain is used to her being out of sight and on the phone instead. I imagine if we were living together beforehand, it would be much more difficult that it already was to have said goodbye. I am also very lucky that I have work and other things to distract me. Spending 10+ hours out of the house 3 days of the week, and then about 4 hours the other 2 days, are good ways to not only pass the time that I want to hurry up and pass, but also to give me a large distraction from missing Bobbi. 

I know Bobbi struggles with finding things to distract herself with when she can’t meet up with her friends in China, but pity me more! I live in a village in the middle of nowhere, whilst all of my friends are either in London, at University, or even further away (or in China in the case of one special friend)! I’ve found that reading, and keeping track of what I’ve read so far this year (8 so far) has been a good distraction, and has helped me to get ready for my Masters next year. 

So apart from all the stuff Bobbi has already talked about, I’d try to find a good distraction that keeps you from missing your partner as much as possible when you can’t be communicating because of time differences. However, we’ve only been doing it for two months, and Bobbi is coming back soon, so perhaps we’ve just been lucky. If you are reading this for advice, I’d add as a side note that your situation is not going to be the same as ours. You might be polyamorous, in which case an intimacy deficit should be a bit easier to deal with, assuming you have multiple partners (although I imagine this doesn’t make the separation with one of your partners any more fun), or you might be busier than both Bobbi and me and find communication harder to maintain. Communication and distractions are very important, from my tiny experience so far. If it’s harder to do one, focus on the other! Bobbi and I are lucky to have each other and be in the situations we are in, so please don’t take our luck as an omnipresent wisdom! 


Our three-and-a-half-year long relationship has been what has kept us sane throughout most of our time at university, kept us company at times when we have felt lonely and fills us with excitement when we think about what the future holds for us. We think the world of each other and are the best of friends. This is why we know, that when I return home in 9 months, we will be even stronger than we are now, and we can’t wait for that! 

Only 286 days to go! 

B & P xx
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6 comments

  1. This is genuinely so heart warming and cute! Having technology is definately a plus for long distance relationships and I hope you make it through the year and get back together stronger and happier!

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post! That is so lovely of you to say! Make sure to check out this space in a few months for another update! x

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  2. aww love this. I've been reading a lot about long distance relationships because I want to go travelling and do a year abroad maybe, but I'm worried that my relationship won't be able to handle it as we haven't been together all that long and we pretty much live together, so it would really change everything! Any tips?

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    1. Aw, thank you for dropping by and reading my post and commenting! I would highly recommend going for it and travelling abroad for a year if you feel confident that your relationship can withstand it. If you have not been with your significant other for all that long, it might not be a good idea! I only knew that my boyfriend and I would be okay because we have been together for a while! Also, if you live together at the moment, it might be harder to move away from them for so long - I was not living with my boyfriend when I left for China, but plan to when I get back! Hope this helps, if you want someone to talk to about it, drop me a DM on Twitter! x

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  3. So much strength in a relationship hinges on honesty which you two seem to share in bucketfuls. You will be fine as a couple as you are investing so much in your relationship in positive ways. Time passes quickly, you will soon be together. Love Jeffer xx

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    1. Thank you Jeffer! I am excited to be reunited with Peter again! I do believe that us being so far apart from each other for such a long time will benefit us in the long run :) xx

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